4 Tricks To Speak Politely in Vietnamese

Vietnamese culture has very a peculiar linguistic system for being polite. It is one of the hardest things for foreigners studying Vietnamese to learn (aside from the tones).

It often referred to as formal vs. informal speech: two ways of speaking that are appropriate in different situations, and for which Vietnamese are very sensitive. The two modes of speaking are almost like two different dialects, like written English vs. hip-hop gutter talk.

Age is the most important factor in determining how you speak: you must be very respectful to people older than you, and speak in the formal dialect. In contrast, you can be quite terse and rude to people who are younger than you — even your boss!

It can take years of studying Vietnamese to master the nuances of how to speak formally vs. informally. Therefore, we discuss a few of the easiest things to learn to help you be polite and not insult old people:

Ạ – adding ạ to the end of sentences makes the sentence sound more polite.
Proper age-based pronouns – there is no simple “you” or “sir” in Vietnamese.
Speak full, complete sentences and avoid slang.
Vocabulary – there are different words for different formalities.

Rule 1: Adding Ạ and Nhé to the end of sentences in Vietnamese

A very simple way to make any Vietnamese statement sound more polite is to add Ạ at the end of the phrase. You can use this for anyone older than you.

There is no literal translation in English. One possible analogy to Ạ is like adding “Sir” or “Madame” or “Please” to all of your statements, making them sound polite and friendly, although this is not literally true. Among Vietnamese, ạ just makes everything sound nicer.

The pronunciation of Ạ is like the a in apple, but with a quick, downward pitch known as the short down-tone, as indicated by the dot-diacritic below the ạ (learn more about the Vietnamese “tones” here). Click below to listen:

A similar meaningless word is Nhé, which, like Ạ, makes imperative sentences sound more polite and less bossy. Unlike Ạ, you should use Nhé with people your age or younger.

Example 1: Imagine you are at a restaurant and the server is much older than you. To make your orders sounds less harsh and more respectful, you would add ạ; if they were younger, you would add nhé:

Bring me a coke, please – Mang cho tôi Co-ka ạ (to someone older)
Bring me a coke, please — Mang cho tôi Co-ka nhé (to someone your age or younger).

… in the above, we translate ạ/nhé as “please”, although this is not literally true — but it has the same effect.

Example 2: Imagine you want to compel your family member to go to the super market with you — it is time to go!

Let’s go to the market, okay? — Đi chợ ạ (said to your mother)
Let’s go to the market, okay? — Đi chợ nhé (said to someone your own age)

The extra ạ/nhé makes the imperative statement sound like a gentle request, and is therefore more polite. In English, people usually make imperative statements sound less-bossy by adding “okay?” at the end of the statement, even though they aren’t really asking for the other person’s consent — that is why we translated the above ạ as “okay?” even though it isn’t the literal translation.

Rule 2: Proper Age-Based Pronouns in Vietnamese – A Key to Politeness

The first question people ask strangers in Vietnam is how old are you? — they need to know this in order to address them appropriately. They need to use the appropriate age- and sex-specific pronoun just to do basic communications in Vietnamese.

Vietnam has a complex system of addressing older people by certain familial pronouns that are benchmarked to family members, especially to aunts and uncles.

For example, a woman who is the same age as your father’s younger sister would be referred to as Cô (which translates imprecisely to “Auntie”), whereas a woman who is the same age as your father’s older sister would be referred to as Bác (which again translates to Auntie). Compare these to a woman who is the same age as your older sister: she would be referred to as Chị. Women younger than you would be referred to as Em.

Basically, Vietnamese strangers are walking around calling each other Older Auntie, Younger Auntie, Older Sister, Old Uncle, Grandfather, etc, instead of “Sir” or “Mister” or “Miss” or “Madam”. This is a key aspect of being polite in Vietnamese society.

Here is a small list of honourifics/pronouns — remember, although they are benchmarked to family-members, they are used among strangers and colleagues:

Bạn – second person pronoun/you/friend, spoken to colleagues of a similar age.
Em – man/woman who is younger than you.
Chị – woman who is older than you within approximately 15 years (like an older sister).
Anh – man who is older than you within approximately 15 years (like an older brother).
Cô – auntie; woman who is the same age as your father’s younger sister; used more in the North.
Dì – auntie; woman who is the same age as your mother’s younger sister; used more in the South.
Chú – uncle; man who is the same age as your father’s younger brother.
Cậu – uncle; man who is the same age as your mother’s younger brother.
Bác – sex-neutral older uncle or auntie, for siblings older than your parents, on either side.
Bà – old woman who is your grandmother’s age.
Ông – old man who is your grandfather’s age.

The Vietnamese are very sensitive to these differences: a women who is called the wrong pronoun could feel insulted for looking older than she is. Conversely, a young Vietnamese man may feel insulted if he is referred to as younger than he is (and thereby has lower respect). Therefore, in order to be polite in Vietnamese, one must address another person using the appropriate age- and sex-specific pronoun.

How to use familial pronouns in Vietnam.

The familial-pronouns, like Em and Anh and Chị, are used somewhat like Sir or Ma’am. Instead of saying “Hey Sir, may I have a drink?”, you would say:

“Hey Uncle, may I have a drink?”
“Chú ơi, cháu uống chút được không?”

To be polite, whenever you approach and speak to someone (like “Excuse me, Ma’am, ….”), you should say “Chị ơi, ….”, or whatever is the appropriate pronoun.

Rule 3: Avoid Incomplete Sentences in Formal Speech

This rule is also a part of English culture: when you speak formally, you should avoid terse and incomplete sentences and colloquial expressions, and you should speak in a way that is similar to how you would compose a formal letter to a employer.

However, the rule is more enforced and monitored in Vietnamese, whereas in English, it is more of a conveyance of proper up-bringing and class, rather than a widespread norm (at least in modern times).

Consider the following two questions: the truncated expression is considered informal (and rude to an old person), while the complete and proper sentence is considered polite:

Informal: Đi không? – Wanna go?
Formal, to a female: Chị có muốn đi không ạ? – Ma’am, do you want to go?
Formal, to a male: Anh có muốn đi không ạ? – Sir, do you want to go?

In Vietnamese, even answering a one-word “Yes” or “No” is not considered formal enough. To a senior person, you must say a full sentence, repeating the question in the form of an answer. Imagine someone asking you “Did already you eat dinner?” …

Informal: Rồi – Yes (lit. already)
Formal, as a female: Em ăn rồi – Yes, I already ate dinner.
Formal, as a male: Anh ăn rồi – Yes, I already ate dinner.

This rule may be the most difficult for foreigners to master, because it requires having a high-level of fluency in order to answer in complete sentences, opposed to the more basic yes/no answers that are common in the West.

However, Vietnamese speakers are more forgiving of foreigners, so concentrate first on Rule #1 and Rule #2.

Rule #4 – Different Vocabulary

The difficult rule to being polite in Vietnamese is when there are different synonyms to learn — some are formal and others are informal. The most common (and easy) example is for the word yes:

^{· Formal yes – Dạ, pronounced like “za!” with a short down-tone.}

^{· Informal yes – Ừ, pronounced ew like a French “u” with a down-tone.}

^{· Neutral yes – Vâng, pronounced like vung.}

When answering yes to someone older than you, you should say Dạ (pronounced zah), while for people younger than you, you can say Ừ, which would be rude to answer to a senior person. You can use Vâng universally with everyone.